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16, 17, and 18 Things I Hate About You/Transcript
DISCLAIMER KORIN: The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cut to Vegeta screaming over his broken arm) KRILLIN: Holy crap! Okay, things are looking a bit dicey, but-- TRUNKS: FATHER! (transforms into a Super Saiyan and rushes to help Vegeta) KRILLIN: Okay! Okay, Trunks can handle this. I mean, that sword cut Freeza in ha-- (Trunks swings his sword at Android 18, where it shatters upon contact with her arm) KRILLIN: Oh, no... ANDROID 17: Hey, Bright Eyes! (Trunks turns his head and receives a blow from Android 17 knocking him down to the ground) KRILLIN: Okay, we need a plan. We need to-- (Piccolo and Tien rush ahead to help Vegeta and Trunks) Run away! Oh, my God! (Piccolo prepares to attack 17) ANDROID 17: What did I tell them? (kicks Piccolo away and dodges a punch from Tien before putting him in a headlock) So, if you can explain to me in one sentence why you thought this was a good idea, I might just let you go. (Tien makes a choking sound) Yeah, see, I don't get it either. VEGETA: If you think breaking my arm is enough to defeat me, android, I'll show you how wrong you can-- (prepares to rush towards Android 17, but Android 18 grabs his leg) Damn it, woman! Would you let me finish a goddamn sen-- (Trunks rushes towards Android 18) Ahh! (Android 18 throws him at Trunks, knocking both of them to the ground and causing Trunks to revert to his normal form) KRILLIN: See? This shit right here, this is why we don't group up. I'm just gonna do what we usually do and wait for Goku. (Android 16, who is programmed to respond to commands involving Goku, turns to look at Krillin) Aah! Uh... uh... quack? (Android 16 eyes turn red and starts scanning Krillin. The results shows "'Subject: Krillin, Status: Goku... NEGATIVE, Bird... DUCK?")'' '''ANDROID 16: (smiles at Krillin) Hmm. (a bird lands on his hand) Hello, bird. What is your name? (bird tweets) Toriyama? (bird tweets again) I would love to see your dinosaur. (bird tweets once more) It does WHAT? SEQUENCE (cut to Piccolo on the ground regaining consciousness) NAIL: (Hey, uh, you okay down there?) PICCOLO: Ugh... Yeah, what did I miss? NAIL: (Well, both the Saiyans are down, one of the bald guys is getting choked out and the other one is quacking.) KRILLIN: (off-screen) Quack! PICCOLO: All right, I've got this. NAIL: (Whoo, no, you don't.) PICCOLO: You wanna bet? NAIL: (Not really...) (Piccolo attacks Android 17, but Android 17 dodges the attack and delivers a heavy blow to Piccolo in the stomach, sending him flying back down to the ground) NAIL: (All right, so what do I win?) (Piccolo does not respond) (Hello?) VEGETA: (quickly gets up and fires an energy blast at Android 18) ELEMENT OF SURPRISE! (Android 18 avoids the attack and knocks him back on the ground) Uhh... Why do I yell things? ANDROID 18: Hey... So, who's got two broken arms and is a total bitch? VEGETA: You stupid bint. You only broke one of my-- (18 steps on his good arm, breaking it and causing him to squeal in pain) ANDROID 18: This guy... (Vegeta continues squealing and reverts to his normal form) ANDROID 17: Huh, that's cool. He can turn off the blonde. ANDROID 18: Yeah, and unlike you, he doesn't need a bottle. ANDROID 17: You're just mad 'cause I wore it better. ANDROID 18: If by "wore it better," you mean people kept mistaking you for me... ANDROID 17: I'm sorry, does that make me girlish or you mannish? ANDROID 18: That's hilarious. You talk like he fights. KRILLIN: Um... (Androids 17 and 18 lock their eyes on him) (thinking) Why do I do things? (both Androids fly up and land near him) KRILLIN: Okay, now listen. I believe that if we were to come to blows, I would, uh, come up short... No pun intended. ANDROID 18: Heh, he's funny. ANDROID 17: Roll it back, pint-size, we're not gonna fight you. You're about as threatening as a cocker spaniel. KRILLIN: You bring up a fantastic point. So I shall continue to stand here and do nothing. ANDROID 18: Sounds good. We're gonna go kill Goku. KRILLIN: (starts stammering) Damn it, you can't kill Goku! (runs up to the three Androids) ANDROID 17: Yeah, pretty sure we can. KRILLIN: Okay, but you shouldn't! ANDROID 16: He makes a fair point. But I insist we still kill Son Goku... On the grounds that I want to. ANDROID 17: Well, you heard the man-droid; hands are tied. KRILLIN: If...that's your answer, then I will...be forced to stop you! ANDROID 18: (laughs) That's cute. (kisses Krillin on the cheek) You're cute. Have fun living to not fight another day. ANDROID 17: The hell was that? You got a thing for dwarves now? ANDROID 18: What if I do? Societal definitions of beauty are BS anyway. (the Androids fly off) ANDROID 17: Look, if this is about pissing off Mom and Dad, you could just date a black guy. ANDROID 18: Oh, my God. ANDROID 17: Oh, right--they're dead. ANDROID 18: Oh, my God. KRILLIN: Wow... (thinking) Oh, man, I gotta tell everybody! But first, Dr. Senzu Bean. (reaches inside a bag and takes out a few Senzu Beans) (out loud) Huh? The hell happened? I had like fifteen of these. Eh, should be enough... Man, they are not gonna believe this! (cut to everyone back on their feet) TIEN: I don't believe you. TRUNKS: I can't believe you. PICCOLO: I don't care. KRILLIN: Dang it. What about you, Vegeta? (Vegeta screams and flies off) KRILLIN: See? He believes me... And he's jealous. TRUNKS: Damn it, not again! (prepares to fly after Vegeta) PICCOLO: Trunks. TRUNKS: Huh? PICCOLO: Just give it up. TRUNKS: Argh. (dissipates his energy) Mom said that he was stubborn, but this is just asinine. PICCOLO: Yeah, but at least he's not trying to kill us all again. TRUNKS: He tried to what?! KRILLIN: Jesus, future Bulma, what the shit? TIEN: Not to belabor a point, but we just got crushed-- they were way stronger than any of us could have prepared for. TRUNKS: Yeah... And somehow, they're even stronger than in my time. PICCOLO: What? TIEN: Are you kidding? KRILLIN: Jesus, future Trunks, what the shit? PICCOLO: Fantastic. So even with two Super Saiyans... TIEN: We're all just the north side of useless. KRILLIN: Well, if Super Saiyans won't cut it, then maybe what we need is a Super Namekian? Eh? (Piccolo says nothing and glares at Krillin) Too bad those don't exist, eh? Hey, Piccolo? (Piccolo continues to glare at Krillin) Right? Super Namekian? PICCOLO: Oh, my other me, shut up! (fires an energy blast at Krillin, Tien and Trunks, who all jumps out of the way, and then flies up into the air) You can all kiss the greenest part of my ass! (flies off) TIEN: There are greener parts of his ass? TRUNKS: Wait, where is he going? KRILLIN: Eh, looks like he's flying out to Kami's. Or whatever else is in that direction; could be a lot of things. TRUNKS: Wait, so I'm confused... Is it Kame House or Kami House? KRILLIN: No, no, no, listen. Kame house is the place with the turtle... (cut to Piccolo flying in the sky) NAIL: (So, uh, gonna tell me what that was all about?) PICCOLO: Look, just... You might be getting a new roommate. NAIL: (Do I have to move the pool table?) PICCOLO: When did you get a... I almost fell for that. (billiard balls clacking together can be heard) NAIL: (Fell for what?) PICCOLO: Hrm... (cut to Bulma's house, where Mrs. Briefs is humming and reading a book) MRS. BRIEFS: Huh? (sees Bulma with baby Trunks, Yajirobe, and Gohan flying in) BULMA: Hi, Mom! MRS. BRIEFS: Oh, Bulma! If it isn't my beautiful daughter and my even more beautiful grandson! Oh, and Gohan! Long time, no see! (Gohan is seen being bashful) And... (pauses on Yajirobe) Um... I'm not sure I'm familiar. YAJIROBE: I am Yajirobe and I am here for your pantry. MRS. BRIEFS: I see. Honey, we have a foot stamper! DR. BRIEFS: (from inside the house) Tell him I have a gun because I pay taxes! YAJIROBE: Challenge accepted. MRS. BRIEFS: So Gohan, would you like to come in for some cake and tea? And those little hard candies no one ever actually eats? GOHAN: No, I kind of have to go make sure my dad's not dead. MRS. BRIEFS: Okay. Well, you have fun. (Gohan flies off) BULMA: Hey, Mom... Why do you never seem to age? MRS. BRIEFS: (laughs) Oh, your father won't let me... (cut to Piccolo flying up Korin's Tower) KORIN: Hey, Piccolo, have you seen Yajirobe? Has he called or texted... (Piccolo flies past him) Aw, damn it... (Piccolo arrives at Kami's Lookout, reequipping his weighted clothing, and stands in front a shocked Mr. Popo) PICCOLO: Hey, Mr. Popo. MR. POPO: HELLO, YOUNG KAMI! (Kami appears behind Mr. Popo) KAMI: Ah, hello, Piccolo. Good to see you again. PICCOLO: Cut the crap, Kami! you know what I'm here for. KAMI: Well, that didn't last long. MR. POPO: All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. (continues repeating this phrase during Piccolo and Kami's dialogue) PICCOLO: Okay, what's up with him? KAMI: Don't mind him; he just got through dropping a gallon of LSD. PICCOLO: A gallon? KAMI: A literal gallon... Out of a milk jug. I don't even know where he got it from... He never leaves the-- MR. POPO: KAMI? I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT I CAN LEAVE THE LOOKOUT IF I WANT TO! KAMI: Mr. Popo, you may leave the lookout if you-- MR. POPO: BITCH, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! (after a short pause) All these squares make a circle. (continues repeating the phrase again) KAMI: Quite. As you were saying? PICCOLO: I'm here for your body. NAIL: *scoffs* (Could at least take him out to dinner first.) PICCOLO: (thinking) First, we don't eat. Second, shut up. KAMI: And what makes you think that I'm just going to give it up that easy? PICCOLO: Because if you were half the guardian of this dirtball that you should be, then you'd know that we don't have any time to waste! (Mr. Popo's chant can no longer be heard) KAMI: It is true... A great evil has risen. Unlike anything this planet has ever seen before. PICCOLO: Then you know what I'm talking about! You know exactly how dangerous these Androids are! NAIL: (Am I the only one who just noticed a huge tone shift here?) KAMI: The Androids are a threat, yes... But they are paltry to what I fear comes next. (cut to a shot inside a hidden laboratory where a small fetus is seen floating inside a tank and the screen goes black with something laughing evilly) MR. POPO: Well, that's f**king ominous! SEQUENCE STINGER (a phone ringing can be heard) KORIN: Hello? YAJIROBE: Hey, Korin. KORIN: Oh, my God, where are you? Where have you been? Why haven't you called? YAJIROBE: I'm at Bulma's place, and I haven't called because my cell phone has been destroyed. KORIN: What happened to your cell phone? YAJIROBE: It was blown up with the car. KORIN: What happened to the Pussy Wagon!? YAJIROBE: It was blown up! KORIN: By who!? YAJIROBE: By Dr. Gero! KORIN: Who the hell is Dr. Gero!? YAJIROBE: I don't know! Some scientist? KORIN: Well, did you get his information? YAJIROBE: Well, he didn't exactly hit me with a car, okay? KORIN: Jesus Christ...! Look, all right, just come home. YAJIROBE: You're mad. KORIN: I'm not mad, I'm just concerned. Now, come home. YAJIROBE: Yeah, I need you to pick me up. KORIN: *sigh* I'll see what I can do. YAJIROBE: I love you. KORIN: I love you, too.